They're too shy, socially anxious, insecure, or unconfident to pursue friendships. They don't mind being alone, and so don't have as much motivation to go out and meet people as someone who constantly craves company.
Their current situation has left them without friends e. Their life circumstances are really stacked against them e. They've been lonely for long enough that they've developed behavior patterns that are keeping them in a rut.
Some might, but others won't care. This worry assumes everyone is really harsh, judgemental, and choosy about what they look for in a friend or colleague. Some people are kind and understanding. They get that someone might be shy or never learned how to make friends. They may have struggled with those issues themselves.
They realize someone might have a thriving social life one year, then lose it the next when their friends all move away. Yes, at times people are judged negatively for being friendless, but you can't let the possibility of that paralyze you.
Another factor is how long you haven't had friends. Has it only been a few months, or over a year? If it's been longer some people will still understand, but that situation isn't as common, so more will be curious about why it's been so long.
As a rule, the older people get the more understanding they are. You're more likely to get a petty, immature response in high school. The more life experience someone has they more they realize that people can go through lonely spells, often through no fault of their own.
Even if people aren't understanding, they probably aren't going to cruelly mock you. They may not be sure how to take the news yet, but if you explain yourself and otherwise seem like a solid person, they may decide they're okay with your circumstances. If they do reject you, odds are they'll quietly withdraw contact, not laugh in your face. For the most part a lot of what people think of you is determined by how you interact with them in the moment, not the "on paper" information they have about your life.
If you generally come across as at least somewhat together and likable, people won't care that much if they find out you don't have friends. How you are as a person carries more weight than any abstract ideas they have about "friendless people". They already like you, so they'll put a charitable spin on this new thing they've learned.
It works in reverse if someone hasn't gotten the best impression of you. If they find out you have no friends they may react negatively, but it's more because they already had a so-so opinion of you.
It's not really about your friendlessness itself. If they clicked with you they'd have had a different response. As a slight aside, if only one or two people aren't fans of you, that may be down to an incompatibility. You can't hit it off with everyone. If you find you get a cold reception from most people, that's tough, but there are tons of ways you can work on yourself and eventually get warmer responses.
This article goes into more detail about the practicalities of telling people you don't a social life at the moment:. This one plays into worries of being found out and judged. Some friendless people are so scared of their supposedly shameful secret getting out that they avoid socializing, because the topic of their friends might come up.
They may even have exaggerated fears about someone painstakingly grilling them about their friendships until they're forced to confess how alone they are.
It varies from person to person, but I find people don't ask each other about their social lives that often. There are lots of other things to talk about, and everyone generally assumes other people have friends, and so don't feel a need to ask about it. Naturally, they essentially never do in-depth interrogations. You might see this impact in minor ways: the TV shows you watch, activities you participate in, or the types of exercise you choose. Sometimes, though, the impact is more significant.
Maintaining relationships with others and paying attention to their needs can occasionally detract from your ability to take care of yourself and achieve positive self-growth.
But concern for others can sometimes affect you negatively when it prevents you from supporting yourself. Many people discover this when trying to divide their time between too many friends. Spending more time alone — not out of anxiety but because you enjoy solitude — can lead to greater self-compassion and a stronger motivation to meet your own needs.
It makes sense, then, to prioritize your relationship with yourself. Some people want nothing more than to gather a circle of friends and enjoy their company.
Perhaps your ideal evening involves a favorite hobby or craft, cooking a fancy meal for yourself, or a long workout. Messages from loved ones or society in general might make you feel as if you should spend your free time engaging in social activities.
Spending time alone not only gives you more time to focus on what you really want to do, it also helps protect you from stress. Too much socializing likely drains your energy and leaves you in urgent need of solitude. Introversion is simply one part of your personality, not a flaw you need to address or anything to feel bad about.
Introverted people often have few friends simply because they thrive best without constant companionship. If you already interact with people at work or school, you may not want to dedicate more time to social pursuits once your workday ends.
Consistently turning to just one person for friendship and emotional support can put you both at a disadvantage when you struggle to fulfill that role. If you do desire more emotional support and companionship, a better goal is to find a few close friends to share your time with.
Get a pet. Though pets can't replace people, they are known to be loyal, incredible companions that can relieve stress and make your days more fulfilling. You can go to your local animal shelter and get a dog or cat. As a bonus, pets can actually help you make new friends!
Your pet gives you an excuse to get outside and talk to fellow pet owners that you meet on the streets or in the park. Method 4. Initiate conversations.
There are probably tons of potential friends around you, but you may not know how to approach these people and get connected. After all, striking up a conversation can be pretty scary sometimes. Take a deep breath, and ask a stranger a question about themselves or comment on your surroundings. A great rule-of-thumb is that people enjoy talking about themselves and their interests, so look for cues that can help you get them talking.
Put yourself in social situations. However, these events can be super valuable friend-making opportunities. Pick a social setting, like a coffee shop or a smoothie cafe, and hang out there. Who knows? You may become friends with the workers or the other regulars. Be positive when interacting with others. People gravitate towards others who give off positive energy. Make sure you always speak kindly about other people. Nasty gossip, although sometimes entertaining, is not the way to make good friends.
Can you tell me more about that? Pursue your interests with others. Being around other people can improve your mood and outlook. If you've taken up a sport or hobby, go to club events, sporting meet-ups and competitions. Striking up a conversation will be easy--just start chatting about your shared interests! Don't be afraid to join a club for something you've never done before, like Improv or bowling. You may meet many other people who are equally inexperienced, and you can bond over the challenges you face and your funny mistakes.
Go to source. Find like-minded people online. Even if it takes a little while to find friends in your area, you can find many people online who share your thoughts, ideas, and passions. Online friendships are not as intimate as those in real life and usually won't solve loneliness completely. Nevertheless, they are still a good way to feel connected and pass the time. Doing things that benefit your neighborhood, like community service projects, is a great way to meet people and give back along the way.
Helping the less fortunate also allows you to step out of yourself and put things into perspective. You may find that you are even more grateful for what you have. Go to source Help adults and children learn to read at your local library, volunteer at your local soup kitchen, or help clean up a park in your community. I have a group of friends. When I hang out with them I always feel I am not one of them.
Sometimes I feel lonely even when I'm with them. What do I do? Well the good news is that you do have a group of friends! This is a good start.
Sometimes we do things internally to make ourselves not feel part of the group. It sounds like your problem might be more about your own relationship with yourself. Try building up your confidence. Listen to what others might be saying to you If these things don't work, consider seeing a counselor for a short-term. Best of luck! Not Helpful Helpful I don't have any friends. I don't know what to say or how to approach them to initiate a conversation with them.
What should I do? Main article: how to stop being quiet. Groups can be intimidating. Anger can be used as a defense mechanism when you feel uncomfortable or insecure in social situations. Anger can even have a self-soothing effect on us. Being angry intimidates people, and it will prevent them from trying to get to know you or being open to your overtures of friendship. Rather than lashing out, make it a habit to take a few breaths when your anger hits.
Always wait before you act in anger. This can help you respond more rationally and avoid damaging your social life. We recommend BetterHelp for online therapy, since they offer unlimited messaging and a weekly session, and is much cheaper than going to an actual therapist's office. They are also cheaper than Talkspace for what you get. You can learn more about BetterHelp here. Not everyone has a passion or hobby that they live for.
The good news is that you can use any type of activity that you enjoy doing to meet new people. Try going to Meetup. Look especially for events that meet up on a regular basis once a week or every other week. There can be many reasons for losing your existing social circle.
The most effective way to build up a social circle from scratch is to actively take the initiative to socialize. This can help you see that your current situation is likely to improve, even if you feel lonely right now. Know that it takes time to build a social circle from scratch. Main article: How to make friends in a new city.
Moving to a new city both robs you of your old social circle and puts you in an unknown environment. You can use this to your advantage — there are usually many others who are also looking for friends. However, you need to be proactive to find these people.
In the step above , I give several examples of how to take initiative. For many, work is the main venue for socializing and we often meet our colleagues more than our spouse or outside-of-work friends.
Let them know that you still want to keep in touch, and ask them to let you know when they are up for something. Take the initiative by inviting them over for dinner or drinks. Most people have their existing friend groups that they feel comfortable in, and you are new and unknown. If you are warm, friendly, and take them up on their invitations, you will be accepted with time. At work, friendship is something that slowly happens when we spend enough time together. My advice for proactive ways to make friends under Recently having lost your social circle.
You can choose to see losing your job as a blessing in disguise for your social life: Rather than making friends with whoever happened to work at your job, you can now have more influence over who your friends will be. You now have the opportunity and time to seek out and interact with people who you vibe even better with or who share your specific type of interests.
If you recently lost your job, know that your situation will feel better a few weeks or months from now. You might feel lonelier right now than you actually are.
Main article: Having no friends at work. There might be several reasons for not having friends at work. However, in certain situations, you might work remotely, have very few colleagues, or just not have anything in common with them. Many have to start building their social circle from scratch. It usually takes around 50 hours of interaction to make a casual friend and more than twice as long to make a good friend.
Main article: How to make friends in college. In college, we meet like-minded people on a daily basis. After college, socializing suddenly takes a very different shape. Unless you want to limit your social life to your job or partner, you have to actively seek out like-minded people.
The simplest way to do this is to figure out in what way you can make your existing interests more social. There are usually many opportunities for this if you ask around: Even tiny hamlets have numerous boards for road maintenance, forestry, farming, or hunting that you can join. Doing this gives you an automatic social circle. While this can sound intimidating, it has the upside that you can more easily seek out people who are more like you, using for example Meetup.
See my advice under Recently having lost your social circle. Not having any money can make it harder to socialize. It can also feel embarrassing and make the idea of socializing sound less appealing. In addition to that, it can cause stress that makes it hard to focus on having a social life. If you are busy with work or studies, you might simply not have the time to socialize. To prevent this, seek out a wider circle of friends. What are some meetups you could go to related to your interests, for example?
It can be hard to suddenly have to make new friends again if you previously had a friend circle through your partner. Research shows that men especially have fickle social circles that are based more on activities, than emotional bonding.
On top of this, reaching out to others tends to be especially hard if you are heartbroken or sad. Doing so can also help take your mind off your ex. A cornerstone of making friends is to dare to take initiatives. It could be the initiative to exchange numbers and keep in touch, to invite someone to join you somewhere, to arrange a social gathering, or simply walk up to a new colleague with a friendly smile and introduce yourself.
However, fear of rejection can keep us from taking initiative. Throughout your journey, you will polish up on your social skills, and perhaps you are already better today than you were back when you got rejected last time. The more you work on your social skills, the more likely you are to connect with others. This makes you less likely to experience rejection again. You can also change the way you look at rejection. The only way to never be rejected is to never take any chances in life.
Everyone experiences rejection. Socially successful people have learned to not be afraid of it. With this new mindset, work on your social skills and at the same time practice taking more initiative to meeting people and keeping in touch with them. Here are some reasons we might feel this way:. To break out of this pattern, try to be warm and friendly toward people, despite fearing that they might not like you. We humans tend to like those who like us. Psychologists call this reciprocal liking.
Remind yourself that every person you meet is a new start. If you dare to be friendly, more often than not, people will be friendly back. Always challenge your internal voice.
It might just be your low self-esteem painting worst-case scenarios. Assume that people will like you until proven otherwise. It can also be annoying to hear people talk about meaningless things, and it can make us wonder if we even want to interact with anyone. The problem is that while many people might indeed be annoying or stupid, there are always thoughtful, warm, and friendly people out there.
If you find these people and befriend them, you will get a more rich and fulfilling life. It helps to go to the right venues. You often need to talk with someone for at least minutes before you figure out if you have something in common. While small talk can seem meaningless, it has an important function: It allows us to quickly get a picture of someone.
No matter if we like small talk or not, every single friendship starts with small talk, so you might as well make the best out of it. Read more about how to make small talk here. It can be helpful to break down your goals into small steps. Focus on one step at the time. Main article: How to enjoy socializing. The problem is that trust issues keep us from letting ourselves get close to new people. To make friends, you have to let people in and get to know you. Practice sharing small things about how you feel and see the world, even if it makes you uncomfortable.
Avoid controversial topics, but give people a glimpse of who you are. For two people to get to know each other, they need to know things about each other. It will keep you from forming close relationships. In these types of cases, it can be helpful to see a therapist. You just need to find them. If you live in a small town and your social life is suffering because of that, consider moving somewhere else.
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